There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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