Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
