that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
