I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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