You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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