Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
