Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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