Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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