i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
