the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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