Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
