I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
