did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Randomize
