I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
