He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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