Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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