this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize