for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
