Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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