i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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