Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
