just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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