party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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