this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
