he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
