I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
