Even the bartender felt bad for me
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
