is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
