Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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