I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
