Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
not ubering you a puppy
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle