i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?