PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
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My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
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He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.