When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
