just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.