I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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