I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
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there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
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It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.