how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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