so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
