I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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