My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize