Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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