Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
