If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
