It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
