i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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