That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
