the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
