I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
