Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
