I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
