I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
