nut hugger
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
