at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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