Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
