Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
