Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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