haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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