standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
