that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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