Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
