her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
