If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
