I cockslap morals
babies were throwing up all over the place
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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