I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I need to align my fucking chakras
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
