I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
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He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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