My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
