Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
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A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Everclear isn't food dammit
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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