Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
