I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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