He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
