i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
