I'm sorry my penis didn't work
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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