He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
