ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
