i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
