he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
